The great bouts of stupidity

I just found a contest on another blog asking for examples of how a person has been a 'dumbass', which got me to a reminiscing about the good ole day and my plethora of stupidity. Thankfully most of my tales don't involve loss of limb, but they do normally involve over consumption of alcoholic beverages.

I have 2 most particularly stellar examples that comes to mind. The first would be courtesy of my snow white complex.

Now this story is all hear say as I have only the vaguest memory of it. After a night on the 'turps' at age 16, I was staggering up to my best friend Michelle's drive to try and sneak back into her house without waking her parents. Chelle who either had a higher tolerance or more sense than to drink as much as me, had made it to her front door and was just twisting the lock when she heard me cooing in my slurred tones "ohhhh what a pretty bird. Lovely pretty birdy" and realised I was no longer behind her. She turned around and found me solicitously petting a decomposing and maggot ridden pigeon that I had managed to find in my stupor and was nursing like it was my new favourite pet. Mmmm, dead bird germs and the beginning of my germ aversion, and the Dead Bird Incident was spawned.

The next example was when I was in working in London. Chelle and I again were drinking, we had decided to save money by having a couple of drinks at home before heading out for my last hurrah before flying back to Aust. My last solid memory is of us having drunk 1/4 of a bottle of vodka, and declaring one more drink was in order before we headed off down the 8 flights of stairs. My next memory is a flash of picking up the vodka bottle and declaring "oh no, it's all gone!!" Then FLASH we are walking down the main street of Bayswater. Then FLASH we are both lying on the platform of a tube station. No idea which one but with a vague idea we needed to get to the Walkabout in Shepherds Bush. Thankfully we were lucky enough to be rescued by a couple of non serial killer types who must have decided to deliver us safely to our destination. Then FLASH we are inside the walkabout both of us being picked up from the pub floor and all the grossness that entails, then giggling hysterically as we collapse back down again. Then FLASH I'm back at the hostel on my mobile at $5 a minute to my now husband, howling and crying apparently with a really bad faux British accent that "I've lost my coat! And I'm sooooooo dwunk." He had the sense to ascertain that I was safe and then hung up on me, and tried to cancel my global roaming before I racked up an enormous bill. Too late however as I had already rang my parents, and was blubbering to my baby sister about my drunkenness and lost coat.

I'm sure there are millions more that I'm trying to repress! Oh the perils of binge drinking... You think i would have learnt my lesson.